A Little Bit of Catch-Up

We now have a proper fence to replace the weird string

So, gardening is a lot of freakin’ hard work!  After all the  tilling and digging, weeding and watering, and the building of 10 crazy Eiffel tower trellises, I can honestly say that the vast number of hours put into this garden already rival the time commitment of a part time job.  All the work in the summer sun has actually given me a tan…  OK, so a wicked farmer tan, but the point is that my normally pasty, overweight, video-gaming self has actually spent enough time in the sun to have actual physical proof that I’m not a morlock.  All the hoeing has left me with some increased definition in my forearms as well…

     yes…

          I know…

               “that’s what she said”…

                    …anyway

All the hoeing has left me with some increased definition in my forearms, which isn’t saying much considering the only “reps” I typically do involve the lifting of a coffee cup… though it is a big coffee cup.  However, we’re reaching a point in the growing season where all this work is beginning to pay off.  The plants are now growing at full tilt, producing blossoms and the beginnings of fruit, and in the case of the watermelon and cucumbers, growing several inches in a single day!  Being that the last few posts have been highly specific in subject matter, I figure I would offer up a quick post that highlights the garden as a whole, and give you all a quick update for each crop.

Marigolds:  The marigolds have certainly taken off, though their ability to deter deer have been doubtful at best.  One deer made it into the garden last month and nibbled here and there.  However, just this week something got in and ate all but two heads of lettuce, and several bean blossoms.  So, we’re left with 3 rows of horrible smelling, completely ineffectual flowers… yay!

Potatoes:  Despite all of the issues that these tuber have given us so far, they are doing surprisingly well.  Blossoms are open, and the ground beneath them is beginning to push up and crack, which tells me that potatoes are forming.  We still deal with Potato bugs, but daily inspections has limited any damage they can do.  I’m actually very surprised at just how forgiving these plants are.  I screwed them up in nearly every way possible, yet they’re still growing strong.

Peas!

Peas:  The “Minnesota Monsoon”  that came through a few weeks ago really did a number on our peas, and they’ve never really recovered.  however, they are at the end of their growing cycle anyway, and had already started offering up pods.  Once the dead plants were removed, we were left with quite a few young pods, which were promptly thrown into our wok, and turned into a stir fry.  The few remaining healthy pea plants have been producing a fair amount of peas, but they rarely make it home.  This row of peas has turned into a snack bar for my son.  He picks the peas, shells them, and eats them as soon as possible.  He insists that they’re “better than M&Ms”.  I’m inclined to let me maintain that idea for as long as possible.  We’ve already made plans to replace the finished pea plants with pepper plants.  That switch will probably happen this week sometime.

Our first tomato

Tomatoes:  For the most part, the tomatoes have been doing incredibly well.  The only issue we’ve had is that in deciding to plant them next to the corn, we failed to account for how quickly the corn would grow.  This means that the the tomatoes are largely shaded from the evening sun.  Not a big deal really, but I still think we’ll place them on different sides of the garden next year.  In any case, the tomatoes still quickly outgrew their cages, and I had to go out and get giant heavy duty tomato cages to replace them.  Blossoms have already started producing fruit.  So, I’m predicting a fairly decent harvest.

Our giant mutant corn is already tasseling

Corn:  “Knee high by the fourth of July”?  Our corn has turned the popular saying completely on it’s head, easily reaching over 5 ft by 4th of July.  So, unless you’re some freakishly tall monster, the above statement has been rendered false.  Our corn towers over all our neighboring gardens.  The tassels are already out, and ear shoots are already forming.  Translation:  Our corn could beat up your corn. 

Our first cucumber blossom

Cucumbers:  Here’s where I get excited.  I love cucumbers.  They have always been among my favorite foods, and they are really taking off.  Any doubts we had on the effectiveness of the trellises are quickly fading with each day.  These things are shooting up the inside of the trellises so fast, I’m beginning to wonder if we made them big enough.  If this pattern continues, these creepers will overrun the Eifel Towers easily within a few weeks.  At that point, the plan would be to tie strings between the trellises, thus creating a large trellis, made up of other trellises, or a meta-trellis, if you will.  This “trellis-ception” is looking more and more necessary everyday.  Meanwhile, the first blossoms have appeared.

Watermelon as of July 8th

Watermelon:  The picture to the right was taken only 4 days ago, and the watermelon have since doubled in size.  Vines are shooting out of those plants so fast, It’s becoming very hard to keep them trellised.  I’ll train them up on the string, then the next day, each vine has grown so long that it has passed the trellis, creating an increasingly complicated web of watermelon vines.  I have counted several blossoms on each vine, so its not just growing out.  These plants will definitely produce fruit.  I’ve heard that it’s a good idea to prune several of the blossoms off, in order to concentrate the vine’s efforts on producing a few high quality fruit, but I keep finding conflicting advice on just how and when to prune.  So if any of you have answers, let me know.

The results of Lettuce vs Bambi

Lettuce:  I no longer find Bambi or Thumper “cute”.  Gardening has removed any sense of wonder that I now feel when seeing a group of white tail deer frolicking in a meadow.  After investing hours into the garden, discovering that you’ve lost a portion of your crop to a single animal is crippling.  I’m almost to the point of cheering for the hunters in Bambi.  (I said “almost”. So, no hate mail!).  The lettuce was our hardest hit.  This last weekend, Bambi and his friends did this to every head of lettuce we have, except two.  We have a second planting on the way up, but this first crop of lettuce is pretty much gone.  On the positive side, we’re determined to be much more aggressive in our pest defenses next year.

An onion, beginning to peek through

Onions:  Our onions have been the easiest crop thus far.  I have barely touched them since planting and they’re doing great.  Even the ones that my son buried in random places sprouted.  At a few inches across, we’ve even managed to harvest a couple so far.  At this rate, I’m anticipating a crop of super onions, each so large that they each have detectable gravitational pull.

Bean blossom

Green Beans:  The beans have been growing incredibly fast as well.  I’ve been told that each blossom will eventually yield a bean pod.   If that’s true, We will be swimming in green beans this fall.  These things shoot out of the ground at an amazing rate.  It seems that every day we find another clump of blossoms, or a whole inch has been added to the height of the plant.

So there you have it, You’re now caught up to the ever important issue of how our crops are growing.  Oh, and just in case you hadn’t noticed, I have added a running total along the side bar, detailing what we’ve successfully harvested so far.  I’ll do my best to keep that up to date, so that you all can see proof that even a crappy gardener like me can net results…   or you can watch me fail horribly.  Either way it will be entertaining.

Next: “…And We’re Back!”

This is an ear-shoot, which will develop into an ear of corn

New tomato cages; too close to the corn. (this picture was taken just after we dusted for beetles)

Our second planting of lettuce is coming up

Watermelon Blossoms

Beans

Whole Garden after dusting

Bambi Doesn’t Disco

As I suspected, the Potato Bugs were only the first wave.  Now, it seems that the entirety of creation has decided to make our little garden the front line in some attempted conquest over humanity.  First, our Minnesota “summer” (and I use the term loosely), had a relapse, making the outside temp plunge to the mid fifties in the evening.  Then, the rains came.  We’ve had so much rain in the past week that I’m beginning to think that Rochester is developing a monsoon season.  When the deluge finally ended, we were able to get out to the garden and discover that the prolonged period of damp ground had bred mildew and fungus that began to threaten our plants.  New bugs had made their way in, nibbling the leaves of the potatoes, cucumbers, and watermelon.  Worst of all, we discovered deer tracks, and a small path of destruction through the garden.  It seems the potato bugs were only scouts.  Mother Nature came back with a full multi-pronged attack this time, and now we have to recover.

A typical Minnesota summer day

The drop in temperatures started a few weeks ago.  We had a week of 90+ temps.  Then, suddenly, the state realized that it might lose its reputation for being a frozen wasteland, and quickly compensated by forgetting that it was technically summer.  So, we get one week with Tatooine, then a week where it feels like Hoth (yeah that’s right, a Star Wars joke…  I’m a nerd, get over it).  This did a number on our warm weather plants like cucumbers and watermelons.  Two whole cucumber mounds never germinated at all, and the other 4 only had about 1-2 plants each (we planted 5 seeds in 6 mounds), and out of 20 watermelon seeds, only 5 sprouted.  Luckily, it was still early enough to replant a few seeds.  I was even able to pick up a few watermelon starter plants at Jim Whiting’s Nursery that are actually farther along than the originally seeds we planted.  So.. take that Mother Nature!

During the last week, it seems that the state of Minnesota has decided to cos-play… as the Atlantic Ocean.  It rained every day for six days.  I was beginning to fear that the global climate suddenly shifted, giving southeast Minnesota a monsoon season.  The rains washed away nearly all of the watermelon seeds that had just been planted, leaving only the existing sprouts and recently transplanted starter plants.  The rains also severely saturated the ground, dumping more water than our crops would ever be able to use.  Thus mold and mildew set in, hitting our peas hard.  Four whole pea plants have already been lost due to being washed away by the rain, and several more are in danger from the powdery mildew.

Deer track

When the ground had dried up just enough to support my weight without sucking me down to muddy oblivion, Angela and I resumed our daily potato bug patrols.  Our first morning out, we discovered that a few more pests had moved in to enjoy a free buffet.  Cucumber beetles had just started to nibble on the…  well, the cucumbers.  Worse still, was the discovery of the distinctive heart-shaped footprints of a hungry deer.  Following the footprints, led to evidence that the deer had nibbled on the peas, beans, walked through the cuke trellises, ate half a head of lettuce, then sauntered on to the next plot by himself.  To be honest, we were lucky.  It was only one curious deer.  Had we had 3-4 actually hungry deer, we probably wouldn’t have any beans left.  However, we did learn the the Bambi can get over his dislike of the disgusting marigolds if he’s curious enough.

After discovering all of this, we headed back to Jim Whiting’s Nursery for solutions.  I’m not one to gush, but the people there have been invaluable to us, as first time gardeners.  Whether you’re just looking for the right fertilizer or fighting off a horde of angry,rabid garden gnomes, chances are someone there has a solution that they have personally used.  Well, maybe not the garden gnome thing, but trust me.  If you are ever attacked by angry, rabid garden gnomes, I’m sure that the people over at Jim Whiting’s would be able to solve it for you.  After picking up a can of some sort of “dust” that’s supposed to repel cucumber beetles, we were told that the best solution to the deer is a fence.  Repellents exist, but, as evidenced by the marigolds, if a deer is hungry or curious enough, they will ignore it.  We were told that if we couldn’t get a fence up right away, we could tie a string over the possible entrances and hang something shiny, like old CDs.   Apparently, deer are deterred by flickering reflections.  So, go ahead and add discos to the list of things that Bambi hates, along with marigolds, being “twitterpated”, and guys in “real-tree” camo.

Long story short… the garden is covered in white dust and has old blank dvds and shredded plastic bags hanging in front.  Considering that we already have 10 Eiffel Tower replicas, and headshots of Mr Bean, a head of lettuce, and Billy Dee Williams plastered on giant signs, I can say the following with a great amount of confidence:  Our garden is certainly the weirdest looking garden I have ever seen.

Next: “What are Your Preconceptions About Farmers?”

weirdest. garden. ever.

Watermelon Sprouts

My son hiding in the corn

lettuce and onions

Potato blossoms

pea blossoms

It’s Alive!

It appears that my great plant army is rising one sprout at a time.  They have answered my powerful call and have begun to rise up [maniacal laughter]. The onions, peas, and corn were the first rise.  The lettuce may be sprouting as well.  However, due to my ignorance, I am completely unsure as to what is lettuce and what is a weed.  I’ll be watching them closely over the next few weeks.  However, both the marigolds and potatoes required some intervention, both of which will be the subjects of their own articles in the future.

The onions were the first to break the surface.  Within a few days, tiny shoots like this one were shooting up out of the ground.  My three year old son took great interest in the onions, and so took it upon himself to plant several by himself.  This resulted in my surprising discovery of onions shooting out in random places across the garden, as well as a place where it looks like he threw a handful into one hole.

The peas were next to grace us with their presence.  Besides being extremely photogenic, they also seem to be very uniform, each sprouting on the same day and maintaining similar heights as they grow.  They are so uniform, that they’re rather boring to write about.  After all, who wants to read about how uniform my peas are?  Not even Martha Stewart would bother mentioning the uniformity of her peas.  I’m sure her producers would scoff at the idea of devoting any time to the subject at all.  It’s just not interesting, hardly worth mentioning.

Finally, the corn came up, but thats hardly any feat worth writing about, as corn seems to grow just about anywhere.  Not to mention that the sweet corn kernels that we planted were given to us by my father-in-law… who is a farmer…  who grows corn for a living.  I’m sure that the seeds were some breed of super-corn, bio-engineered to give the highest yield regardless of growing conditions.

The marigolds were being difficult.  I had vegetable sprouts coming up all over the garden, yet no “Bambi beating blossoms” to protect them.  Being the impatient person that I am, I promptly sojourned to my nearest garden center, and picked up several flats of  marigold starter plants.  Then, like a cold hearted Marxist dictator, I ripped out the seeds that have failed to fulfill their function, and replaced them with the more mature and equipped marigolds.

I now understand why deer hate marigolds.  They are the color of frothy urine and have a smell to match.  I understand why deer hate marigolds because now I, too, hate marigolds.  Not only will they keep deer away, but any living thing with a nose as well.  However, shock troops aren’t picked for their beauty (unless you’re Gaddafi), but for their ability to perform the task set aside for them.

Despite my efforts, it seems that this project just might work, which is encouraging because, the next stage of planting is coming up quickly.

Next: Gardening with QR Codes… and Billy Dee Williams.

Planning the Plot

Earlier this year, we had put a reservation down for a community garden plot in Rochester, MN.  After a thirty-second call to Parks and Recreation, and the annual fee of $30, we were the proud renters of a 20ft x 30ft plot of land, near the southern bend of Rochester’s Zumbro River.  There was no questionnaire, no “authentication of my residency”, no real questions of any kind.  I could be planning to dispose of Jimmy Hoffa’s corpse in my individual plot of dirt, and as long as Rochester has my thirty bucks, they couldn’t care less.  However, what really struck me as odd was the fact that this whole process was analog.  In other words, I actually had to deal with a real person.  I was entering into a financial agreement with the governing body of a city with over 100,000 residents.  So, I had it in my head that there would be some annoying, automated application process that would eventually bury me in an endless supply of nonsensical menu choices, eventually causing me to give up on the whole bureaucratic endeavor in a thoughtless rage.  You can then imagine my elation when a living, breathing person actually picked up the phone after only two rings.  Our conversation was brief, and the lack-luster level of “personality” on the other end of the line left me wondering about the long term effects of working customer service in a government office, but I was impressed nonetheless.  However, this was only the first step.

Once we had our designated plot of land, the next item on our to-do list was to decide what to actually grow in that space.  This was no easy task.  20ft x 30ft seems huge at first glance, but when you start filling it with ideas, suddenly the space goes away quickly.  On top of that, my ideas tend to be fanciful and random.  I wanted to grow Tomatilloes, and Swiss Chard, and Bok Choy.  I mean, who cares if you actually use the fruits of your labor, so as long as you get to point out the “Bok Choy” part of your garden.  Alas, arguing that cucumbers and green beans were too “mainstream” didn’t seem to get me anywhere.  My wife had to explain that having a community garden was hipster enough without the addition of obscure vegetables.  So, our final list represented a practical collection of food that we eat regularly.  We settled on Sweet Corn, Potatoes, Onions, Garden Beans, Lettuce, Tomatoes, Tomatilloes, Cucumbers, Garlic, and  Watermelon.

Having been warned about deer stealing crops in previous years, we were encouraged to border the garden with marigolds, as apparently Bambi hates pretty flowers (::shrug::).  Being that we had no idea what we were doing in the first place, we promptly added Marigolds to the list, and scratched off Garlic.  As we started shopping for seeds, we realized that there was no way we could grow all of these items in our small plot.  I was surprised to see how much space some of these plants needed.  Something had to be cut from the list.  Being that we would theoretically only use Tomatilloes for salsa, we decided that they had to go.  After all, we would have needed to start them weeks ago and being in Minnesota, that would have probably meant digging through feet of snow (It’s no wonder that Tomatilloes are strangely absent from the typical Minnesotan’s diet).  We almost cut out Watermelon, but after a grueling battle, we were able to compromise on only one or two vines…   Let me rephrase that:  My wife let me keep one or two vines.

Due to my inherently “geeky” nature, and my slightly obsessive personality, the first thing I did once we had collected all of our seeds and tools, is to create a overly specific chart of when to plant, how to plant, and when to harvest each vegetable.  The part that startled me, was that I actually enjoyed doing this.  No one enjoys putting together an intricate table on Excel… what’s wrong with me?  However, just in case any of you are planning similar crops, here’s a copy of our chart.  Enjoy!  Gardening Chart

So, we have the plan.  We have the seeds.

Next: Planting: “What is this ‘Spring’ that you speak of?”